Managing Caregiving with Siblings

While caregiving can bring families closer, it can also stir up old dynamics, logistical challenges, and emotional stress. But with the right mindset and some thoughtful planning, siblings can become powerful partners in caregiving—sharing the load and supporting each other every step of the way.

Who becomes a caregiver?

Family caregivers come from all walks of life, but the numbers tell a clear story. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, more than 38 million Americans are unpaid family caregivers. The average caregiver is age 49, but many begin helping out in their 30s. In more than 75% of caregiving situations, adult children are the primary caregivers—often alongside siblings, spouses, or other relatives.

The caregiving journey usually starts gradually: helping with rides to appointments, sorting medications, or even just checking in more frequently. But as needs increase, the role can evolve into something much more physically, emotionally, and financially demanding.

Even the most close-knit families can run into complications when caregiving enters the picture. Some of the most common sources of tension include:

• Unequal distribution of responsibilities: Often, one sibling (usually the one who lives closest) ends up doing the majority of hands-on care.
• Different perceptions of need: One sibling may see a decline in the care recipient’s health, while another insists that everything’s “just fine.”
• Financial disagreements: From covering care expenses to deciding whether to sell a parent’s home, money matters can quickly become sensitive.
• Old family dynamics: Longstanding roles (“She’s always been the responsible one,” “He never helps”) can resurface and influence how decisions are made.

But here’s the good news: Conflict doesn’t have to be the outcome. With clear communication, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to your parent’s well-being, caregiving can strengthen family bonds.

Tips for managing caregiving as a team

1. Start with a family meeting 
Don’t wait for a crisis to talk. Schedule a time to check in together—whether in person or an online meeting—and have an honest, compassionate conversation about your parent’s current and future needs. Come prepared with facts, questions, and an open mind.

2. Assign roles based on strengths—not just location 
Even if one sibling is local, caregiving doesn’t have to fall solely on their shoulders. A sibling who lives farther away can manage finances, schedule appointments, handle paperwork, or coordinate long-term care options. Dividing tasks based on strengths and availability helps everyone contribute in a meaningful way.

3. Be clear, but flexible 
Create a shared care plan that outlines who does what—and be ready to adjust it as your parent’s needs evolve. Use tools like shared calendars, group texts, and websites such as CaringBridge or Lotsa Helping Hands to stay organized and in sync.

4. Check in on each other, too 
Caregiving is hard work, and burnout is real. Take time to ask how your siblings are doing—not just how Mom or Dad is. Encourage each other to take breaks and seek help when needed.

5. Focus on the shared goal 
When disagreements arise (and they will), return to your common purpose: giving your parent the best possible care with dignity and love. It’s okay to have different opinions, but keeping your parent’s needs at the center can help bridge the gap.

Caregiving with siblings doesn’t have to mean conflict or resentment. In fact, many families find that working together brings renewed connection, purpose, and appreciation—not just for the parent they’re caring for, but for each other. It starts with a conversation, a willingness to be flexible, and a shared belief that family care is better when it’s a team effort.